BREAKING DAWN REACTION POST


Note: These are my first reactions. I'll probably change some opinions upon exposure to fandom, lol. So don't hate me :) And I'd like to start this off by saying, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry. That's what I was doing during this entire book. But I'll do this the good-girl way, chronologically.

With the first chapter, I was reminded how annoying Bella's internal monologues are. I mean, he got you a rare, expensive, totally safe car to show you how much he loves you, and you whine? Sorry babe, doesn't cut it for me. You should at least be a little grateful.

The "happy place" was...ridiculous. Just reading that made me cringe. Is it telling that I really thought the first chapter was the worst way to start the book off?

Although...lolol sethward. I love those boys. They're so damn cute together. :D Actually, Seth is currently my favorite pack member, aside from Leah. Because he's so open and caring and innocent and gawd, how can you not love him?

Hmm. Renee's reaction? I actually liked it. I know a lot of people in fandom didn't, but it was a nice side of Renee that we didn't get to see before. Helped to flesh out her character a bit. SUBTEXT, though, with Renee/Esme, that just made me seriously excited. "Renee adored Esme."

We never did find out anything about the bachelor party. That was disappointing. I would have liked to hear at least a little about what Jasper and Emmett put him through!

Tanya backstory (well, Denali sisters' backstory) was stupid. It totally came out of nowhere, and it didn't really make any sense at all. They're a thousand years old, for god's sake. Don't you think they would have gotten over their mother's death by now? I understand that it's a traumatic experience, but I think SMeyer could have given them a better character flaw. Also, I think she only stuck that story in there just so we'd have a vamp!baby introduction -- more as a plot device than a character-development thing.

OH MY GOD ALICE/BELLA. Kay, I'm looking at you for this one. Alice. Puts. Bella's. Garter. On. Please, shippers, tell me that I'm not crazy, because this wedding-prep scene was just way too cute. I'm dying of the cuteness, rereading it again. So much love. By the way, Rosalie offering to help out with the hair was pretty nice. She seems like the kind of person who would do that. I liked it. Oh, and Rosalie plays the piano for her wedding procession. Just another layer of her general baddassery, no?

Angela's dad was their priest/preacher/whatever, but we didn't get to see Angela. Rawrrrr, I love her, and I wish she got more screentime. About the newlyweds: they didn't write their own vows! I was surprised. I thought they would have gone for the cheese-factor as much as possible. But no. How disappointing. The way-too-hot kiss wasn't very prudish of SMeyer (like she usually is). I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. Oh, Seth. Thank you for showing up at the wedding with your unnaturally warm hugs. You can hug me any day.

The reception: Billy seems to be with Sue an awful lot. But at the end of the book Bella makes it clear that Sue's got a thing for Charlie. Personally, I didn't see that at ALL. Come on. Billy/Sue would have been so much better of a couple. Way to ruin Generation One, Steph. :\ Did Jacob actually see Angela at the reception? During that whole scene I was waiting, waiting for Jacob to show up -- and he does -- and then to see Angela -- and he doesn't. UGH. And I was so certain that was going to happen...

With all the Tanya hype, she ended up pretty lame. I mean, we didn't really learn much about her other than she was more of the spokesperson for the clan/family, and that...she's strawberry blonde. Oh wait. Well, we learned that her hair is curly? Come on, admit it: we didn't get much Tanya development. (A lot more Kate, but that comes later.) I'm glad. Now I can write her however I want.

I don't blame Jake in the LEAST for losing his cool when Bella tells him that Edward's going to have sex with her. I mean, you'd expect a girl to get a little broken in that situation. (Well, if you're SMeyer, that is. Unlike everyone else she just can't conceive of anything outside the missionary position. Don't you think that Bella would get hurt a whole hell of a lot less if she was on top?) Poor Jacob. He was really pissed off.

lkhgdagf they stopped in Houston. :D It just made me feel happy.

Lolol Carlisle is also ostentatious. I can't believe Edward hasn't bought Bella her own island yet. Only a matter of time, I suppose. SMeyer, predictably, fades to black, and the next afternoon we're greeted with a crop of bruises. I liked that part. And the pillow-shredding. It seemed really realistic, you know, seeing Bella actually get HURT by Edward, and both their reactions to it were great.

And then my happy feelings ended. Because at the next section, I went something like this in my head: WHY IS SHE PREGNANT NO SHE CANNOT BE PREGNANT HELLO SMEYER NO SEMINAL FLUIDS OH MY GOD THIS IS READING LIKE A BAD FANFIC. (Was I the only one who thought it was ridiculous when Bella was like, My period is five days late?) Oh godddd, this was the first terrible, terrible blow to my stomach. Horrible. I can't believe SMeyer made Bella pregnant! That's not fucking possible! And you know, I bet it would be a whole lot less annoying if I hadn't read a million post-Eclipse fics a year ago about this exact same thing. I'm thinking here, It's going to turn out to be a half vampire, half human, isn't it. Isn't it.

Oh, but her calling Rosalie at the end was priceless. It was the exact. perfect. thing to do.

At this point, I saw the ominous "Jacob" divider and groaned...The last time Stephenie wrote in Jacob's voice, she made him sound just as whiny as Bella. (Oh why, why!) But it starts out with Paul/Rachel, which was sort of awesome in the fandomy shipping way. And then it gets better, with A TRUCKLOAD OF JACOB/LEAH. I'm not going to be an obnoxious fanbrat and start listing all the quotes that pertain to that particular ship. Because Jesus Christ, there's a lot. And I got all excited. :D

Oh look, Billy's taking refuge at Sue's house a lot. See, I told you.

The Quil/Claire moments were annoying, because I hate reading babytalk. It probably would have been cuter otherwise. But I was totally distracted from that with the Jacob/Quil aaaaah: Quil laughed and made kissing noises at me. "You available this Friday, Jacob?" Oh, stupid Claire. I shipped them for a few pages until I realized that Quil/Embry was meant to be. Sigh.

leahleahleahleah. In your pack. With your guys. Sharin' your thoughts. *innocent whistle*

Billy is pretty damn awesome. I knew there was a reason I liked him. He totally knows what Jacob's thinking, all the time. Jacob runs away to challenge Edward to a cagematch, I guess, but finds out that Bella is harboring the Death Child of Doom and looks like a crack addict. What? Okay. I can take this. Although Rosalie's behavior was a bit...much. I think she was portrayed waaay too much as a psycho child-obsessed bitch, and less as a woman who craves a child and has a few problems, but still cares about her family. Yeah, that line was crossed. If only there had been more explanation. Or depth. But, you can't expect that around here, can you?

Jacob/Carlisle. Please tell my mind to stop shipping. Actually, don't, it's entertaining. (I hope you know it's all y'all's fault, by the way.) Carlisle's the first vampire that Jacob would really hesitate to kill, because he's just so human. And he seems to care about Jacob a lot. And he was his doctor. Um, yes, I'm stopping.

Edward pulls Jake aside to say, "I'll even let her have your babies, if you just get that monstrous thing out of her." Edward feels properly remorseful -- yes, it's monstrous, and it's also yours. Bella doesn't fall for it. Sometimes, though, I wish she just would. :(

Hmm, but around here was when I started thinking about Jacob/Rosalie, all the you're-annoying-but-I-tolerate-you-because-you're-a-kid-person. It's sort of cute. Of course, right here they're still in their Majorly Pissed Off stage, but ehhh. It gets there. (Dog bowl, anyone?)

Jacob finally gets things together and takes up his place as true alpha male, which I've been expecting him to do ever since New Moon. I mean, he had to do it eventually, you know? What I loved was how Seth followed him right away. Puppy love...d'aww. (My brain sucks.) And he's just ready for whatever Jacob tells him, just does it without question because he really looks up to Jake.

W. T. F. Edward calls Emmett and Jasper "Em" and "Jazz". Doesn't that sound distinctly...feminine to you? In the context of Edward, I'm saying. It really struck me when I read that those might possibly be the worst nicknames in the history of ever.

It seemed like Rosalie and Bella were both talking in plurals now. Like they'd formed a pack of their own. That would be the most delightfully twisted femslash out there. Need I say more?

LEAH COMES TO JOIN JACOB'S PACK! I knew it, I knew it. It was only a matter of time before people got the Blackwater message! (And the people on my flist with the o.O look on their faces, shut up. Yes. I ship them. Let's...move on.) Because she'd rather be anywhere than with Sam, because she wants to take care of her brother, and because she secretly realizes that Jake is Awesome. And here they bond over their mutual unrequited-osity, which is cute and angsty and guhhh.

Oh look, Jacob and Carlisle are out on the front porch together.

And then they finally realize, HMM. The kid inside her is probably, y'know, half vampire. So let's feed it some blood, maybe? I can't believe they hadn't thought of that earlier. I also can't believe they have little plastic kiddie-cups with lids and straws filled with O negative. It's just too funny. Can you imagine going to, like, Jason's Deli (that's the kind of cups I imagined, the little-kid ones) and pouring yourself some blood at the fountain, all casual... HAH.

Jacob provides comic relief for Edward. And you know, after this book...I can actually see myself shipping them. Not something I've done.

We'd all caught a glimpse [of Leah]. And it wasn't like she wasn't worth looking at; it was just that it was so not worth it when she caught you thinking about it later. That sounds like it would make a good fic. And awwwwwwwww, they both make fun of Seth together. Stupid book, reinforcing my Blackwater love.

Notice how Sam never sends Quil and Embry alone together. The reception, the negotiation at the border...

Edward left out clothes for Jacob? That he presumably stole from Emmett? That's...sort of sweet. Really sweet. They're cute. Bella being all excited to see Jacob wasn't odd enough at the time for me to be able to label it (even now) as the infant's fault. I mean, doesn't Bella do that all the time? Get his hopes up?

Dumb blonde jokes. Jacob/Rosalie. Both of them getting on each other's cases all. the. time.

Esme is so sweet. This was the first time that the book actually showed that, you know, instead of SMeyer TELLING us. Alice offers Jacob a pillow and sits next to him while he sleeps. Seth becomes Bella's space heater, which is (sorry) way more awesome than Jake doing the same thing. I am such a Seth fangirl.

Dogbowldogbowl. That was such an awesome scene. YOU GOT FOOD IN MY HAIR. heeeeee I was cracking up.

The Charlie thing is such a cop-out, it was disgusting. If we don't tell him, then I'm all angsty because I didn't think about my parents at all before I decided to be a vampire. And I would have to fake my death and all that. But if we DO tell him, the Volturi will be after him and he'll probably burst a blood vessel. So why don't we...halfway tell him, and hope the Volturi don't come down on all our asses? Sorry SMeyer, I thought I had a little more faith in you that that. Come on! You should have let Bella live with her consequences like a good developing character. Oh wait.

Jacob/Leah racing through the forest! And Leah professing her love for Jacob. ...Well. Proposing a two-person pack. Isn't that the same thing?

RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN IS THE WORST NAME EVER.

I feel that bigfont is the only way for me to express my absolute hatred of that name. Renesmee. I'm shuddering having to look at it again. Frankly I'm glad that her family shortened it to Nessie. You know why they did that, Bella? Because the name you picked SUCKS.

Ohh, Jacob, running away. I like that about you. You always run away. Anyway, I saw that he was trying to look for an imprintee, and I was mentally urging him go go go go look for Angela. Or at least Jessica. Come on, man. I mean, the chick that likes cars is pretty cool, and pretty pretty, but she's no Angela. Surely you realize that. Oh wait. You haven't met her. *facepalm* As the scene progressed I was getting more and more afraid that Stephenie would actually make him IMPRINT right there, in the park. Lame. At least she didn't do that.

Hee, Leah got all kickass on Bella. She deserved it, okay. I'm sure whatever Leah said was the absolute truth.

Jacob giving the okay on the treaty was...also a cop-out. I think that this entire book was FULL of cop-outs. But that's just me. (I'll have a full list at the end. I think it's necessary.)

Bella dies, blah blah blah. She gives birth to a cannibal baby. Cannibaby? I like that. Renesmee is now Cannibaby, because anything is better than Renesmee. I cannot stand to say that name. But back to the terrible, traumatic situation at hand:

JACOB.
IMPRINTS.
ON.
CANNIBABY.

No. This can't be happening. Whyyyyy, Stephenie, whyyyy. I don't understand your failtastic methods. They just don't make sense to me. How could you do this? How could you do something that is totally the opposite of epic?

And then we get the general "I'm in so much pain, blah blah blah" for like fifty pages. Seriously, SMeyer needs to cut down on her excess prose. A bit of drabbling would be good for her. I can rec her to some Twilight challenge comms, if she were so inclined.

And then Bella wakes up and we get the general "I'm a vampire, everything is sharply defined, there are eight colors to the rainbow, I can smell better -- wait, eight colors?" deal. All of this has been covered in fic. All of it. Including the part where Bella goes out and hunts, mysteriously likes mountain lion of course. I'm pretty sure the "Very Resistant To Human Blood, Very Self-Controlled" trope was really really reeeeeeeally overdone in post-Eclipse fics, if I recall correctly. So yeah, SMeyer, way to steal ideas from fandom.

Either that, or you're just terribly unoriginal.

Bella holds Cannibaby, who has magical powers (of course) inherited from her daddy. She's beautiful, amazing, everyone loves her, incredibly powerful, grows at an accelerated rate, best thing to happen since bottled blood, etc, etc. It gets old after a while.

Rosalie's jealousy doesn't, though. I'm thinking that'll be fun to write. *evil*

I don't understand why Bella got all pissed off upon realizing that Jacob imprinted on Cannibaby. I mean, he really really didn't have anything to do with it. And she actually wanted him to anyway, that's what she told him before. Of course, she's a Big Hypocrite and never says what she means.

Oh look, another cop-out: Jacob's romantic feelings for Bella mysteriously disappear upon his imprinting. Bella's romantic feelings for Jacob mysteriously disappear upon her change. Does this sound ridiculous to you? I really don't think that's how it works, and I really don't think that's how it should work. Is Bella not going to pay ANY consequences for becoming a vampire? Is all the angst I envisioned totally void, now? That's disappointing.

Jasper. Jasperrrrr. He hurts my heart. That part where he walks away sulking because Bella's a Sue who always does everything perfectly? I loved him more in that moment than any other. Because god, if I were him I would be feeling the same way -- how come I'm the only one who can't control my bloodlust? How come it's so easy for this stupid n00b? Oh Jasper, I'll hold you. It's okay.

Bella gets a loveshack for her birthday. Appropriate. (It's decorated like the place where she got impregnated with Cannibaby. Hmm.) Emmett's jokes are even more appropriate.

The whole Charlie thing still grates on my nerves. I don't think I'll ever get over it. It's such. a. cop-out. D:<

EMMETT/BELLA ARMWRESTLE. That's so cute. Hahaha, Mell. Please tell me you've come back to the dark side, because that was just the most adorable scene ever.

"If I haven't killed Charlie or Sue yet, it's probably not going to happen. I wish Jasper would stop hovering all the time!"

Now, fandom, knowing the motivations behind his actions (his guilt, feelings of incompetence, memories of the past?) don't you just want to stab her eyes out with a spork? She does terrible things to my poor Jasper.

Irina! I thought it was nice that one of the Denali turned traitor. Because it wasn't ridiculous -- it was pretty realistic -- and it made their family seem more interesting. Yes, she has to die later, but all in the name of story development...

Kaaaate. Rissy, I figured you would be happy about this one. She's the most developed Denali to date! Whoda thunk it. I kind of love Kate/Garrett, because that's adorable, but hey. She's an awesome character, so I can pair her with whoever I want to. I'm afraid she'll become my new Tanya. >.>

No...she won't. She's just going to be a lot more cool.

Ehhh, the rest of the book was boring. The side-plot about having to get fake ID was just...stupid. Because there was all this mystery surrounding the mysterious man with the mysterious drug-dealer neighborhood, and all it was was a laywer who would forge some papers for you. And Bella stole THOUSANDS of dollars from the Cullens for something she wouldn't need in the end anyway. What a friggin' waste -- of money and of paper. Just think how much faster the story would have progressed without the sideplot...

Oh. I did want to make a note about Bella's power, though. It sucks. It's lame, because it beats everyone's power and everyone loses against Bella and it's so Sue-ish it makes me want to puke. Why didn't you just give her the I'm Civilized power and be done with it? Instead of basically voiding Alec's, Jane's, and all the rest of the Volturi's powers with one hit? It would have made things so much more interesting to see her struggle.





Quick-List Of Cop-Outs, Live From The Failboat

- Tanya doesn't even count as a character in this book.
- Bella just gets a little bruised after vamp/human sex.
- Bella gets pregnant. Somehow. Because this will solve all her problems.
- Rosalie gets painted as a psycho bitch.
- Bella gets no consequences re: her parents - Charlie gets told some of it.
- Suddenly no one cares about the treaty.
- Jacob imprints on Bella's daughter. Who is a vamp/human hybrid.
- Jacob and Bella mysteriously have no romantic feelings for each other anymore.
- Bella is the most amazing vampire ever to grace this earth.

I think that's pretty complete, hmm?





With that, my darlings, I leave you with a quote from page 600:

I was only half-listening to Kate, my thoughts racing around the idea that I might be able to protect my little family if I could just learn fast enough. I wished fervently that I might be good at this projecting thing too, like I was somehow mysteriously good at all the other aspects of being a vampire.







...if you've read this whole thing, I commend you.